On a dull winter evening, I trudged tiredly to the AIIMS metro station. On the way I walked past scores of people, patients and their relatives, some on their way back home and some living right on those platforms beside the Aurobindo marg. The place was covered partly by dust and mostly by remnants of food particles and empty plates distributed by some generous souls. I was awakened fully by the strong smell of urine as I approached the gate number 2.

I walk every day past the same stench and same bunch of unknown faces. I see same scenes every day. I keep asking myself what makes these people live in these surroundings? I felt sad for them. Those faces shouted at me of their struggles.

What keeps pushing them to survive? I thought.

As soon as I entered the metro station just as any other day I took the train to ITO and I completely forgot what I was thinking on the way. We just move on with our lives, don’t we.

I was sitting comfortably in the warmth of the metro car listening to music totally dismissing the thoughts of those people living a horrible life. As soon as the Jor Bagh station came an elderly gentleman probably in his 70s came and stood near me. He was well dressed, tall with grey hair and his eyes gleamed with an all knowing look. I immediately got up to give him my seat. As I stood beside him I couldn’t help but look at this person with thoughts of what this person could be.

The next moment he saw me starring at him and thanked me and asked me ‘Are you a medico?’

I took off my headphones and I replied, ‘Yes sir. How did u know sir?’

‘Just a hunch I guess’ he said with a smile.

After a moment of awkward silence I asked him ‘Are you a medico sir?’

He nodded and spoke ‘I am Dr Siran. I was a cardiologist and I don’t practice anymore’

‘Wow, great sir. I am Dr Sujay. Am doing my MD in AIIMS’

‘Good. How is it?’ he asked as the passenger nearby kept staring at us. May be he was drowned by all sorts of thoughts like I get most of the time.

‘It is so hectic sir. I feel many times why I should do so much of hard work? Lots of questions arise in me. What are we going to achieve?’

‘Aren’t you helping people to live their lives healthily?’ he asked me tersely

May be it was my tired body that made me spill all the negative thoughts out. I answered him by saying ‘We are just prolonging the lives of people and I see so many of them suffering outside every big hospital. Most these people are just living of blind hope that they will be cured or get their answers from these hospitals. When in fact most of these people have either an incurable disease or a disease for which the cure is totally unaffordable by them’

‘Yes, Sujay you are correct. In an environment where we are all exposed to so many chemicals and microbes, the only guarantee the life has is we all will become a patient one day. But that doesn’t mean that you should give up’

‘Sir. There are so many of them’ I replied pessimistically

‘You are so young. It’s natural to get such doubts. More the number of patients more the need for doctors like you. Think of life as this metro. We are on the move from one station to another, that is life and death. These are the only definite stations in our lives. Between these stations we live our entire life, some stations are hospitals, some stations are parks, some stations are for mere enjoyment, some stations are for insurmountable sufferings. For some, unfortunately, the journey is very short it ends soon after it begins, and for even more unfortunate few, the journey goes on for long but the journey is painfully kept in existence by doctors like us. It doesn’t mean that their journey should end. They travel so that they give that time to their near and dear ones or they use that journey to get things done for their dear ones. No journey is without purpose no matter how short it is.  For only a lucky few the journey remains blissful throughout. Our job is really to keep them safe during this journey Sujay. Be proud of what we do’

I couldn’t refute those words. ‘Yes, sir, I will do my work with that pride’

‘I am sure you would. Just remain optimistic’

I nodded. After a moment I asked him  

‘Sir, I have a question. This keeps popping up so many times in my mind. What if I try but I fail to save a life. Will I be able to live with myself? After all, we are meant to prevent death?’

‘Ha-ha. This question is natural in every young medico’ he laughed and stood up to talk to me. Our observer gleefully took the seat and continued keenly listening to our conversation.  

‘I will tell you a story. One young doctor in his mid-thirties was working as a senior resident in cardiology, AIIMS. He must have seen many cardiac arrests and he must have revived many with his own hands. He could recognize ventricular fibrillation just by looking at the patient and he must have done so many successful cardioversions. He had gone to his relative’s wedding in Jalgaon district in the state of Maharashtra. It was in the 1970s when this happened. The wedding went well and everyone was having their meal when someone rushed to this young doctor saying his mother had collapsed. He rushed to the place where they had kept her on a cot with people panicking around her. Some were rushing to get water, one person was asking for juice. As soon as he reached he could see his mom lying on the cot in the semiconscious state looking at him and whispering that she is in pain. She talked only that much. He asked everyone to move away and give her space. He asked his uncle to get a vehicle for taking her to the nearest hospital which was 10 miles away. In his mind he was thinking what was going on and he was just praying that she should not go into cardiac arrest. His worried father was standing next to him asking ‘What’s happening son? Is she fine?’.

He could not answer that question. Just when they decided to shift her to the car she went into a cardiac arrest. You know how it happens right. Her limbs started becoming rigid, elbows were flexing and then it collapsed flaccidly falling on the cot. He started CPR. He knew in his heart that she won’t make it. With no medications, nothing to intervene with he was like any other person there watching the last moments of his mom. Within the next few seconds, her soul had departed this world and he knew it. The relatives won’t understand that and everyone wanted her to be taken to the hospital. She was taken to the hospital. On the way, in the car, he was crying unable to answer his uncle’s repetitive question ‘What happened? What happened?’.

Then he cried out loud that ‘She is no more uncle. She is no more’. All he could do after reaching the hospital is leave the car and sit outside and cry endlessly. He was trained for this, he knew everything and yet he was useless to his mom.

So what a young person like you should know is, there are situations where you have absolutely no control over it. All your training and experience could help you to do the right things and wait for a response. You can do only that much. You have to surrender to the fact that not all things can be controlled by us. We are a tiny speck of dust in this vast universe. Do as much good as you can and end your journey with a bag of good deeds.

My station has come I should leave Sujay’

‘Thank you, sir, for inspiring me’

‘Nice meeting you’ he shook his hands and I sensed a faint layer of tears filling his eyes.

As the train entered the station I asked him ‘May I ask who that doctor was? Is it a real story sir?’

‘Yes, Sujay. She was my mom. And I stood there helpless. Remember in between the stations of life and death is our journey. My journey is coming to an end. I don’t know how long will be yours, no one knows. So make it count’

He left the metro car leaving a profound impact on me. I was transformed after that day.

As JK Rowling rightly said ‘Do not pity the dead, Pity the living. Above all those who live without love’.  Our job is to make the journey better and not to worry about the unknown.

Let’s make our journey count.